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Kerri: Hi, I was checking out some of the ones who visited my journal and had a couple of visitors from here and came to see. I enjoyed my visit. I think that your 13's are an interesting idea and I think it is sweet what you were saying about your hubby.
wow gold: hello,anybody home?nice journal website!
Jonella Beauty: Hi, I am just blog hopping here. I like your blog and I am a writer too. May we exchange links? Let me know, ok.
EÅ¡e'hÃ..hme'ehne (RisingSun): Greetings to you, out blog hopping and paid a visit. Interesting reads, feel free to stop on by anytime and say a how-do. or for a cup of java..best wishes.
Gk: hello...care to exchange link?if so let me know so I can add your link to my blog..
电话录音卡: The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one
witchykitten: Hi Danica, just doing some blog hopping. Hope you have a good sunday :)
medicine: good article!
Kerri: Hi I was just journal surfing and landed here. You are so right about the fact you are leading your children. They watch very close and it is a HUGE responsiblity. I think the biggest question is where are we leading them for eternity.
khei: juz blog hopping, stopped by to say hi! nice blog... nice tagboard too! anyway, goodluck on your book!
Andy Broer: I'm the author of your thought for the day. I appreciate your posting my quote. I wish you the best in your desire to be published. Make it happen. You must be the source of your own fire. Let me see the flames of your own desire! I believe in you!
naturalskeptic: Wow in all of my blog surfing I've never run across a tag board quite like this! Cool beans! Enjoyed your blog! Feel free to visit anytime!
Kara Lennox: Hey, there, Dream! I had to laugh at your list of books you're not supposed to be working on!
Danica: Wow, I was googling my name and up came your blog. I was shocked, it's not often I find another person called Danica, let alone someone who shares my passion for writing and fantasy. I am 18 and going to university in September to study Creative Writing. Love your blog =)
Margaret: I enjoyed this post on theme.
Josh Nay (Jay Roberts): In the neighborhood and thought I'd say hi, what's up, and stop by my journal anytime. Nice place you have here, by the way...
sparkle: Just around the neighbourhood and stopping by to say have a blessed week ahead
Crystal*: Danica! Feel better, hon! You and the wee one.Grins*
April: I see you're having the same problem I was with spam tags. I visit my blog so rarely that I just shut down my tag board. I hated to do it, but I'm tired of all the spam! Hope you and your family are doing well. Hugs!!!
Cheryl Squirrel: Awww! I love your blog and your heart, Danica!Been thinking about you!Love, Cheryl
Emma: Hey Danica, just blog hopping. Nice journal! Best of luck with your book.
Marylin: from one writer to another
Bethany: Hello, I was in the journal community and your journal was listed twice so I figured this one must be a good one to come visit. Yep, it is. Good job. Come visit me sometime. Have a great weekend!
Shel: Hello :) I am just journal hopping and I wanted you to know that I stopped by.
Rufus: Hello, Excellent blog. Congs, you finally did it. Nice life, nice story.
KaylaRain: First time here, I like the color scheme. In response to your comment to Eve, I chose Bjournal over Blogspot... more options here.
lucky: hey nice blog if you need any glitter ocntact me on my glitter blog
sara: hi :)
cindy: just stopping by to say!
Marie: Just popped in to say hi.
Danica: Danica2, my parents thought they made up a new name, but then found it was a serbian name. Not pronounced Serbian way, though.
Danica 2: I must change my identification because ve have the same names!
Danica: How do we have the same names?Name Danica is an old Serbian name (from 13 century)???????
Margaret: Hi.
Sherry: life is a journey.......

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Wednesday, July 25th 2007

12:45 AM

Weird obedience lessons


Yes, friends, this is another installment in stupid conversations Danica has with God. I figure if Todd can have an awesome album called "Better Questions," then perhaps people will benefit from my um, yeah. At the very least, we can call my journey "If Dummy can get into heaven, so can you." Seriously. Life as a Christ follower does not require being a rocket scientist. It does, however, require a willingness to have some of the harder discussions with God that may ultimately lead you to saying, "D'oh!"

Allow me to present my recent dialogue with God.
"I can't sleep again because I'm worried about the house and the money and all the stuff we have to get done."
"It's going to be okay."
"Yeah, but how? Have you seen my list of things to do? The list of things I'm worried about? How on earth is all of this going to be accomplished?"
"I'm not on earth."
Long sigh. "I know. But..."
"I told you it's going to be okay."
"I know. But..."
"Have we not gotten past the but thing?"
Apparently not. It seems that when it all boils down to the essence of Danica, I'm just one big but. "Okay, God. Can you just tell me how?"
"Trust me."
And so, I have spent the past several weeks averaging a couple hours of sleep a night. I've given up on sleeping pills, as well as the pain pills that usually make me sleep but now only make me loopy. Fortunately, I'm no longer in pain. My stitches really itch though. Anyway, nothing works. I lie awake and worry. And worry. Somewhere between That Man getting up for work and my children getting up for the day, I fall asleep. Which is a slight problem given that my children are known terrorists and I have to have my house ready to show at any minute. Welcome to my hell.

But God, because He's good about teaching me lessons, has started to play a little game with me. "You're not sleeping again."
"I know. I'm worried."
"Go balance your checkbook."
"Okay." So I balance my checkbook. Which leads to me worrying even more because we have more money going out right now than in. I HATE July. It's an expensive month to begin with because a lot of yearly bills are due now, so add in all the house expense, plus the added expenses from my health issues, PLUS the fact that my invoice was lost in cyberspace so I didn't get paid this month.
"Now go to sleep."
"I can't. Did you see the balance? Did you see the stack of bills? What I am going to do?"
"Trust me."
"I know. You've taken care of everything so far, and we've been in worse spots that you've saved us from. But I just don't know how it's going to work out. Can you just tell me how?"
"No. You have to trust me."
"I do. I just want to know how. And I want to know what I need to do next."
"Fine. Go work on your article. Then go to bed."
"Okay." And I do.

I am seriously a lunatic. I cannot get my brain to shut up and stop worrying. I do believe that God will take care of us. But because I don't know how, I am going insane. And the really crazy part is that when He asks me to trust Him, I do, but I can't. (Todd, by the way, has a wonderful song on the new album called "Funny" that speaks to this very issue. You have bought it, right?)

Oddly enough, when God has given me a specific task, like, balancing my checkbook, I jump right up and do it. But the big things, like letting go and really trusting Him without knowing how, I just... can't.

I think, though, what I am grateful for, is that God loves me in spite of the fact that I'm being such a pain. Even though I'm frustrated with myself because I want to be obedient and just can't figure it out, He's still here. The conversation doesn't end, He doesn't go stomping off mad because I just don't get it... AGAIN. He just wraps me in His arms and says, "It's okay. I'm still going to take care of you."

Somewhere down the line, I will figure this lesson out. But, just as I get a handle on this one, God will have something else to show me. That's the thing. I'll never be quite done until I've left the earth. Wow. The Martyr's song just started playing (and even though you should still buy Better Questions, the version with the Dekker book is better). I think God can't wait to show me all the answers to the questions that I bug Him with. But mostly, I think He's going to say, "See! I told you to trust me. You never had a thing to worry about."

So please tell me why I'm still worrying!!!
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